Performing the worship of fasting is not just about refraining from hunger and thirst. For many people, the biggest challenge lies in the ability to control lust or desire. Questions often arise in our minds, especially for young married couples: “How far is it permissible to be intimate during the day?”, “Does accidentally looking at a member of the opposite sex and then ejaculating invalidate the fast?”, or “What is the ruling on kissing one’s wife while fasting?”.
This doubt is natural. We certainly don’t want a day of worship to be in vain simply due to our ignorance of Islamic jurisprudence (fiqh) law. In the Shafi’i school of thought, the limitations regarding this are explained in great detail.
We will dissect these rules by referring directly to the book Asna al-Matalib Syarah Rawd at-Talib (Volume 1, pages 414-418) by Sheikh Zakariyya al-Anshari. He provides a clear distinction between what is permissible, disliked (makruh), and forbidden (haram) regarding sexual activity while fasting.
1. The Law of Marital Relations (Sexual Intercourse)
Let’s begin with the matter that carries the most severe consequences, namely sexual intercourse or **jimak during the day in the month of Ramadan**.
The scholars are in consensus (Ijma’) that intentionally engaging in sexual intercourse while fasting invalidates the fast absolutely. There is no room for negotiation in this matter, whether or not ejaculation occurs. As long as the two genitals meet, the fast is broken.
In Asna al-Matālib it is mentioned:
فصل: (ويفطر) الصائم… (بالجماع) ولو بغير إنزال (عمدا) بالإجماع
Meaning: “And the fast is invalidated… by sexual intercourse even without ejaculation intentionally, based on consensus (Ijma’).”
Special Cases: Dawn Breaking During Intercourse
There is a unique situation discussed by Sheikh Zakariyya. What if a husband and wife are engaging in intimacy at the end of the night, and then suddenly dawn breaks (the Fajr prayer call is heard)?
The ruling depends on their response at that very moment:
- If directly withdrawn (stopped): The fast is Valid. Even if semen comes out after the withdrawal, it is considered a remnant of the previously permissible act.
- If continued (intentionally): The fast is Invalid.
The reference states:
قوله: (وكذا مجامع علم بالفجر حين طلع فنزع) في الحال وقصد بالنزع ترك الجماع فإنه يصح صومه
Meaning: “Similarly, a person who engages in sexual intercourse knowing that dawn is breaking, then immediately stops and intends to discontinue the act, their fast is valid.”
If someone deliberately continues despite knowing that Subuh (dawn) has arrived, their fast is not only invalidated, but they are also subject to Kaffarah (a severe penalty), which is freeing a slave, if unable then fasting for two consecutive months, if unable then feeding 60 poor people.
2. The Issue of Istimna’ (Masturbation) and Physical Touch
Next, what about the emission of semen without sexual intercourse? The fiqh term for this is Istimna’.
The definition of istimna’ in this context encompasses two methods:
- Forbidden ways: Using one’s own hand, even when not fasting.
- A permissible way: Using one’s wife’s hand (permissible at night, and invalidates the fast during the day).
The ruling is clear: Invalidates the Fast if done intentionally and semen is emitted.
Shaykh Zakariyya explained:
قوله: (والاستمناء) وهو إخراج المني بغير جماع محرما كان كإخراجه بيده أو غير محرم كإخراجه بيد زوجته… (ولو بلمس وقبلة) بلا حائل
Meaning: “(And is invalidated by istimna’) which is the emission of semen without sexual intercourse, whether haram (forbidden) such as by one’s own hand, or not haram (forbidden) such as by his wife’s hand… (even with touching and kissing) without a barrier.”
The key point lies in physical contact (mubasyarah). If you kiss, embrace, or have skin-to-skin contact with your spouse accompanied by desire leading to ejaculation, then your fast is invalidated. This is because that contact becomes a direct trigger for the ejaculation.
3. Does Semen Emission Without Sexual Contact Invalidate the Fast?
Well, this is a part that is often misunderstood. Many assume that any form of ejaculation automatically invalidates the fast. However, the book Asna al-Matalib provides an important exception.
Your fast is NOT INVALIDATED if semen is emitted due to:
- Wet Dreams (Ihtilam): Because it occurs during sleep and is beyond one’s control.
- Merely Thinking (Fikir): Daydreaming or fantasizing about lewd things to the point of ejaculation.
- Merely Gazing (Nadhar): Repeatedly looking at something that arouses desire (e.g., looking at a woman or an image) until ejaculation occurs, but without touching.
The original reference:
قوله: (لا) بالاستمناء بنحو (فكر و) لا (نظر ولا ضم) للمرأة أو نحوها إلى نفسه (بحائل)
Meaning: “(It is) not invalidated by istimna’ merely due to thinking, nor due to looking, nor due to embracing a woman to oneself (with a barrier).”
Why isn’t it invalidating? Because there was no mubasyarah (direct skin contact). Its legal position is similar to a wet dream. Nevertheless, for those who are fasting, it is highly recommended to guard thoughts and glances so that the reward of the fast is not diminished, even though, according to fiqh law, the fast is still valid.
4. The Ruling on Kissing One’s Wife While Fasting
Is it permissible to kiss one’s spouse while fasting? The answer is not black and white, but conditional.
The original ruling is Permissible (Allowed), but with strict conditions: The person must be certain they can control their desires so as not to engage in sexual intercourse or ejaculate.
Although permissible, Sheikh Zakariyya affirmed that avoiding it is more preferable (Aula). The reason is to close loopholes (saddud dzari’ah), as kissing can quickly incite a greater desire.
قوله: (والتقبيل) في الفم أو غيره… (مباح إن لم يحرك شهوته)… (وتركه أولى)
Meaning: “(And kissing) on the mouth or elsewhere… (is permissible if it does not arouse desire)… (and leaving it is more virtuous).”
When Does It Become Forbidden? If a person knows they are not strong enough to control their desires, or if kissing usually leads to the emission of semen or progresses to sexual intercourse, then the ruling on kissing one’s spouse becomes Forbidden.
Age Differentiation (Youth vs. Elderly) There is an interesting narration from Aisyah radiallahu ‘anha quoted in this book, that the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam granted concessions to the elderly to kiss their spouses, but forbade the youth.
وروى البيهقي بإسناد صحيح عن عائشة أنه «- صلى الله عليه وسلم – رخص في القبلة للشيخ وهو صائم ونهى عنها الشباب وقال الشيخ يملك إربه والشاب يفسد صومه» ففهمنا من التعليل أنه دائر مع تحريك الشهوة بالمعنى المذكور
The reason is logical:
وقال الشيخ يملك إربه والشاب يفسد صومه
Meaning: “Old people are able to restrain their desires, while young people invalidate their fast.”
Therefore, the measure is the ability to control oneself. Young men who have recently married usually experience sexual urges that are more difficult to control than older people.
Summary Table of the Laws of Sexual Desire During Fasting
To make it easier to understand, here’s a summary of the rulings based on the activity:
| Activity | Fasting Status | Explanation |
| Sexual Intercourse (Intentional) | Invalidated | Obligatory to pay Kaffarah (penalty). |
| Masturbation (Self) | Invalidated | If semen is emitted. |
| Masturbation (By Wife’s Hand) | Invalidated | If semen is emitted (during the day). |
| Wet Dream | Valid (Not Invalidated) | Because it is unintentional/while asleep. |
| Semen Emission due to Daydreaming | Valid (Not Invalidated) | Because there is no physical touch. |
| Semen Emission due to Looking | Valid (Not Invalidated) | Because there is no physical touch. |
| Kissing Wife (Without Semen Emission) | Valid | Makruh/Khilaful Aula (should be avoided). |
| Kissing Wife (With Semen Emission) | Invalidated | Because there is a triggering touch. |
FAQ: Questions About Sexuality During Fasting
Here are some frequently asked questions regarding this topic:
If I wake up from sleep and find my pants wet (wet dream), do I have to break my fast?
No. Your fast remains valid. Immediately perform a ritual bath (ghusl) and continue your fast until Maghrib. Wet dreams are beyond human control.
Does looking at the opposite gender’s *awrah* invalidate the fast?
Legally, the invalidation of a fast (fiqh) does not break it even if semen is emitted, as long as there is no physical contact. However, that act removes the reward of the fast and is sinful. The fast is valid in terms of fulfilling the obligation, but it is devoid of reward in the sight of Allah.
What if a clear fluid (madzi) comes out during intimacy, not semen?
The discharge of madzi does not invalidate the fast according to the Shafi’i school of thought, unlike mani. However, you must still cleanse its impurity.
I accidentally touched my wife’s skin and then spontaneously ejaculated because of sensitivity. Does that invalidate my fast?
If the touch is unintentional (without the intention of intimacy) or without prior arousal, and then ejaculation occurs, there is leniency. However, if the touch is intentional (such as embracing) even without the intention of ejaculating, it still invalidates fast because it falls under mubasyarah.
Understanding the fiqh of fasting related to sexual desire is very crucial. Islam does not extinguish human passions, but regulates them at the appropriate time. The nights of Ramadan are a permissible time for intimacy (Ar-Rafats), while the days are a time for restraint.
Maintaining a safe distance from triggers of lust, such as kissing or watching inappropriate content, is a wise step for those who are fasting. May our fasts be protected from things that invalidate them.
And Allah knows best.
For a more extensive discussion regarding other things that invalidate the fast, such as eating, drinking, and medical treatment, please return to the main article: Complete Fiqh Guide to Fasting: Things That Invalidate & Are Forgiven.
Reference
Zakariyā al-Anṣārī, Asnā al-Maṭālib fī Sharḥ Rawḍ al-Ṭālib, with a ḥāshiyah by Aḥmad al-Ramlī, edited by Muḥammad az-Zuhrī al-Ghamrāwī (Cairo: al-Maṭbaʿah al-Maymānīyah, 1313 H; repr. Dār al-Kitāb al-Islāmī), vol. 1, pp. 414-415.
